Please don’t ever give up hope for your alienated children to find their way back to you. After 7 long years of no contact my now 15-1/2 year old daughter made her own brave voice be heard that she wanted to see her Mother and it was still a battle to make this happen. On August 19, 2020 I finally saw my daughter in this miracle. I want to write about our meeting for the first time after all years because there is so much hope to be had just how beautiful and perfect our meeting went I want to give hope to other parents still in this hell. I need to let this sink in a little longer and then I will be back to write about it.
WHAT I wrote was what I’ve have stated in these last 15 more years then carried in in the the last ten of court that kept my daughter alienated out of my life and I am I am left hopeless in every single moment that I give up in defeat and will find a new to keep going on but that was my complete feat day after 10 years and happened to be my 52 birthday that I don’t give a dame to child that I have existed in 10 years and the pain I have never been in her thoughts for any birthday but for some reason it is my 52 birthday I can not matter for her to to wish me a happy birthday is no longer acceptable at her age of 16 and the pain is no longer her father doing for the last 16 years and this child has a responsibility to k is right from wrong and and act appropriately to to her parents divorced or not and I have never allowed her any acception to disrespect for any reason no matter who was giving her permissions to do so that teach her she had the right to lie to me and treat in any type of disrepectal attitude .
No oxygen cared and nobody removers and it’s was just 16-1/2 years of only me thinking I ever mattered or even is memory that only exists in something that happened over a decade and a half ago I was the only pretending I ever mattered to anyon
I work with social workers a lot. I also work with CAFCASS (GAL’s for our stateside readers) and I teach and train psychotherapists, psychologists and others in the psychological helping therapies about how to work with alienated children and their families. Most of the people I work with are aware of parental alienation and are aware that the behaviours they are seeing in the families they are working with are unusual and most know that there is something deeply wrong in the dynamic. What they don’t know is what to do about it, how to formulate their views and how to plan and deliver an intervention which assists the child. As part of our training to Local Authority teams and CAFCASS in the UK and to professionals developing their practice in Europe, we deliver a three day training which focuses upon the what, why and how of parental…
View original post 1,407 more words
I think I just wrote how I really need to move on in life but I’m saying it again. I am in search of where u go and what u do with one owns life at this point. I can see I’m trying by own writing again but what really what in the hell is the purpose?nobody reads this or a decade of writing to my daughter she will will never read it and then alli did wa try to protect her and could never actually say what the hell her dad was doing cuz I can’t handle her being hurt by him and I scrwedmyself thinking I was protecting her to never tell her anything going on and never said what he did and never wanted her to be hurt by him and the result is10 years of her right g alienated and brainwashed and abused with the excuse now she is not ready to see me. And I really want to move on and find a fulfilling life and have for a long time but I just can’t figure out how to move on and find my new purposes in mylife because in my heart and my life was meant for my child.
I am stuck in a complete dead zone in my life that that I know that I have to move forward and honestly want to and and have been ready to make that happen and rebuild my life that I know I deserve to be happy again and have a happy meaning full life that I realize I can and deserve happiness while still finding a balance to hold onto hope with having a relationship with my daughter one day and I know I was set back after such a hopeful and promising future with renewing our relationship she stated she wanted after we meant 6 months ago after we hadn’t had contact for 7 years and it went so perfectly well with everything we both said and heard from each other and I really left our meeting expecting we were going to move forward having have friendly easy going communication in a very easy going matter with no pressure and would have some slight communication at her own pace and I has thought I was doing the right think and reached out to her 3 times in the course of these last 6 months and she made no effect to respond and back and with after I tried to reintroduce the idea of having an alternative Christmas after 19 years she never responded and then did my biggest mistake reaching out to her father about having her for Christmas still learning the hard way that he will never encourage or support her to see me and only back his response that she isn’t ready yet so I don’t know why I put myself through it wanting to believe that he will do the right thing and encourage her to see me that I know has never happened these last 10 years he has changed his strategy after the courts stopped him from filing anymore false ofps then immediately turned the tables how she wants to see me and he is now super dad encouraging how supportive he is to finally see me after nearly 19 years to only now blame it on her that she doesn’t want to see me BECAUSE SHE’S NOT READY. And I am sorry but I sick and tired of this bullshit of everybody in the last decade giving adult choices and powers to a child that with the adults in her life allowing a kid to make choices defying the authority of me as a parent and when I planned our alternative Christmas it was not a question to my child to deny having Christmas with her mother that it was time to begin holidays with her other parent because it was needed after 10 years of her father denying her to share holidays and birthdays with both of her parents and was meant for her own good and it wasn’t a question for her to choose if she wanted to come for Christmas and it wasn’t for her farther to place the blame on her why she wasn’t showing up for our christmas… he had a parental responsibility to enforce and encourage his child that she needed to attend Christmas with her mother and start resuming normal life activities with her mother and start rebuilding our relationship that was stolen and shattered. The reason besides a hundred things why taking this back to court with her being at the age of 16 is as pointless as this father is now blaming it on her how she is not ready to see me that the judge would only say the same thing and it’s a lost cause with a decade of my parental authority being stripped me from me in every way that this father and everyone involved taught her she doesn’t have to respect her mother and it’s a beyond sickening and disturbing triangulation and parentification that her placement in the family hierarchy is abuse at it’s finest.
Many years ago I stopped searching to find that book or blog or article that perfectly states and describes my own alienation story but now and then come across other parents discussing how their exes used false order of protections to get custody and find some relief that I am not the only one. But it’s few and far between coming across their stories that I know there are so many more to find and have also not been able to connect with others who have chosen this weapon as a form to alienate their children from us. If it has happened to you once or like me for straight 9 years like me that I am looking for your stories.
okay, when I wrote I never hit the publish button but between then and know I actually did come across a narc abuse survivor group and found the same type of stories that gave me enough relief in similar hell with at least filing a false ofp to relate to. Not quite like my 9 straight years but relief enough their narc stories were similar enough to at least get relief
I tried to credit the author with the link to this medium.com article but it’s not letting me paste it.
Parental Alienation Questions Answered From A Child’s Point of View
The Glimpse Inside: A Personal Column of Answers
I cannot speak for all children of parental alienation, but I can speak from my own personal experience. These questions are ones I am most commonly asked:
DiId I reunite withhttps://medium.com/parental-aliens/parental-alienation-questions-
answeredhttps://medium.com/parental-aliens/parental-alienation-questions-answered-from-a-childs-point-of-view-f19688849aa9-from-a-childs-point-of-view-f19688849aa9 my targeted parent?
Yes, I did. It took about seven years while working with a therapist.
2.) Do I still have a relationship with the alienating parent?
I have a relationship with both parents, but the word ‘relationship’ may not be what one tends to assume. I have very firm boundaries and usually do not spend more than an hour or two with either parent.
3.) Did you believe the lies directed toward the targeted parent?
Yes and no. I believed that I was in a survival situation and that if I wasn’t careful, I could lose the love and support of both parents. I believed (subconsciously) that the stronger parent could weather the accusations, making my actions more tolerable for survival.
4.) Did you truly hate the targeted parent?
No. I believe children aren’t really wired for the kind of hate they may display in this type of situation. As a child, trying to understand manipulation and truth, I was incredibly angry. I took that anger out in all sorts of ways. A lot of them weren’t the situations or people I was truly angry with. When one parent hates the other so strongly, it’s hard not to be frightened that the half of you that is the targeted parent, isn’t worthy of hate too. It became easy to hate myself and because of that, it became easier to direct that hate to the targeted parent.
5.) Did you want to hear the truth when you were reunited?
Yes, but it would not have been wise for me to hear it at that time. My idea of reality was so warped, I needed time to feel safe more than I needed facts that could or could not have been true without the inner-knowledge of safety.
6.) How would I have preferred my targeted parent handle things before I turned 18?
I did not want another parent badmouthing the other. I did not want to hear that I was brainwashed. I did not want to hear anyone else try to persuade me. I wanted my targeted parent to keep life as normal as possible under the circumstances. To talk about things other than parental alienation. To keep up with family rituals even if I fought them. To see my parent still able to enjoy life. There was not a lot of happiness living with my alienating parent and to see that the world could be joyful, instead of vengeful or hateful, would have been ideal.
7.) Did I push the targeted parent away to keep the peace with the alienating parent?
I had very little respect for the targeted parent, but I had even less respect for the alienating parent. I was afraid of the alienating parent, but that’s different. I think I did push the targeted parent away because when it came down to it, I thought that parent was stronger and could handle it until I could figure out what was real when I was an adult. I was basically putting life on hold until 18.
8.) Were you alienated by a parent or the court system?
A parent. Nothing is stronger in a child’s life, I believe. Parents are the law — they tell you what’s right and what’s wrong. They create your system of justice.
I was reading through my posts and reread a comment from a karen Woodall reader who’s story is similar to mine and went back to read the articulations the comment was about and found the comment again and reached out to the anonymous poster despite it was back from 2016.
Dear anonymous. You are the only other mother or parent who I have found that shares my similar story almost word for word (I also read ur OTHER COMMENT down below). My ex has filed 9 straight continuous overlapping years of exparte order of protections/hro/charges to get custody and keep my daughter alienated from me with every kind of false abuse and false allegations imaginable except for sexual abuse. Just like yours I told my ex I wanted a divorce the day after his abuse was done as my 6-1/2 yr old daughter was on the same couch as me while he did it and abused me one last time then immediately ran down to the courthouse and filed a exparte ofp claiming I had abused HIM, my child thought I wanted to kill her and I was having a psychotic mental episode and he immediately got custody and I was kicked out of our home and only saw my daughter a rare few supervised hours in the first year then a few more hours after almost 3 years (the 4th lawyer fought back my parenting time then resigned and with in weeks he started with false child abuse allegations and then never saw her again for 7 straight years while his false allegations grew through the years to include I had told my daughter (and him) that I wanted to kill her to attempt to get his 50 YEAR ofp he was after that thank god I stopped that one because I got my first fair hearing after our corrupt judge left our case to go to be a Supreme Court justice and I was finally allowed to cross examine this man and still went further trying to charge me with a false felony claiming I was trying to contact my daughter after he stalked my FB about page and saw i wrote that I love and missed my daughter and then another fair judge stopped him by dismissing my jury trial after a year and as my trial was to be called next the judge called a special meeting in her chambers so pissed off that after a year nobody had any evidence that saying I loved her on my own Facebook was me contacting her and dismissed it right then. Finally last year after the last ofp expired he was finally stopped from refiling . I finally got to see my daughter after 7 yrs no contact and it was everything I could have wished for with her telling me how much she loved me and wanted a relationship. That was 6 months ago and I’ve reached out to her 3 times by letter with the last one inviting her for Christmas but she has not contacted me again and her father intervened and says she is not ready and then refused to reply when I tried to get him to give me a day and time then to drop off her Xmas presents and all the ones I’ve been saving all these years. I didn’t push it because he could just another harassment order. She will be 16 next month. I’m stuck where to go from here except to send her birthday and Xmas cards etc.
The last post I wrote in Aug 2020 was the miracle of seeing my daughter for the first time after 7 years of no contact. As perfect as that meeting was and she insisted how she wants to have a relationship with me and loved me so much, I still have not heard another word from her since that day almost 6 months ago. During these last 6 months I had gently reached out to her with writing her a short friendly thank you card after I saw her, sent her a halloween gift and then tried to invite her to an “althernative” christmas to celebrate with me, her grandma and aunt and her father intervened and said, “She’s not ready”. It’s beyond heartbreaking to write about all that new built up hope after 10 years of being refused christmas just to go through the exact same thing after 10 years. I have so much to write but can not go through anymore of this pain.
It’s so impossible to write about my story without it branching off into a thousand different directions that not literally does it take every detail and situation explained but then the that actual time length in the span of not just the last 10 years when my daughter’s alienation took the placement in the courts THAT TIME but this goes back to 2004 when I was 7 month pregnant. I’m actually trying to JUST DISCUSS this final part of what happened and how it went for my daughter and I to see each other after 7 long years… and I’ll have to try again maybe tomorrow to just only keep it to that.